Sunday night is there and I lost another weekend. I didn’t sleep that much but somehow it  really still feels like I slept through all of it. Did the usual stuff. Walked. Scrolled. Went to the pool. 

This is probably what has become a pattern by now: I was there but not really. I’m becoming really good at showing up physically and mentally being somewhere else entirely.

Work tomorrow. Of course. I keep checking the time like it matters. There’s this dread about work I never understand, everything is technically fine (?), and yet I want to scream into a fridge.

I’m going on vacation next Saturday. That should help, right? That’s what the whole point is, isn’t it? But it never feels real and now I’m counting down with my best friend to something I don’t believe in. I think what has happened to me in the last decade is something less dramatic (I don’t like saying I’m a depressed individual) but still heavy. I’m barely functioning but only for the low term (present stuff), and every time I try to think long term I feel a little sick. Hence why I’m dreading all my responsibilities.

Anyway.. just writing this down tonight because maybe it helps. Or maybe I just like seeing it outside of me. That’s the whole reason Simon Solis exists!