1. getting hit by a car and surviving. like sorry i inconvenienced your bumper??
  2. dropping change in public. especially if it rolls. i’m not chasing it. it’s gone now.
  3. tripping over nothing and then doing that “little jog” after. JAIL
  4. stepping on literal SHIT while walking. GOD TAKE ME NOW
  5. accidentally waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at me
  6. trying to discreetly fix my wedgie but making it ten times more obvious
  7. asking someone to repeat themselves more than twice
  8. holding the door open for someone who’s just far enough away that now we’re both uncomfortable
  9. when the waiter says “enjoy your meal” and i say “you too.”
  10. coughing too much in a quiet room
  11. being the last one to laugh because i didn’t get the joke
  12. accidentally liking someone’s photo from 2016 at 3am and then throwing my phone out the window
  13. running for the bus and missing it. now i have to stand there like i didn’t just sprint and lose a lung (thanks nicotine addiction!)